Sunday, September 6, 2009

A Smurf-tastic Post



Thanks to the heads up by Drew Tatusko who recently had this as a Facebook status message:
Drew Tatusko i have two daughters who have not smurfed with man; please let me bring them out to you, and smurf them as you like; #thesmurfbible


Here is a post about the Smurf Bible:
Friday, May 06, 2005
The Wycliffe Bible Translation Project: Smurf

We are commanded by Christ to spread the Gospel throughout the world and thankfully, the humble workers of the Wycliffe Bible Translators are hard at work translating the Scriptures into every language on earth.

Most recently, Wycliffe has released its translation of the Bible into the Smurf language. Here is a sample from Luke 6:

20Looking at his disciples, he said: "Blessed are smurfily you who the smurf are smurfily poor, for yours is smurfily the kingdom of God. Smurfilicious!

21Blessed are smurfily you who the smurf hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Smurfy, isn't it? Blessed are smurfily you who the smurf weep now, for you will laugh.

22Blessed are smurfily you when smurfs hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Smurfy, isn't it?

23"Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because smurfy is smurfily your reward in heaven. Smurfy, isn't it? For that is smurfily how their fathers treated the prophets. Smurfilicious!

24"But woe to you who the smurf are smurfily rich, for you have already received your comfort.

25Woe to you who the smurf are smurfily well fed now, for you will go hungry. Woe to you who the smurf laugh now, for you will mourn and weep.

26Woe to you when all smurfs speak well of you, for that is smurfily how their fathers treated the false prophets.

Papa Smurf hailed the move as "...a great leap forward in the evangelism of all Smurfkind. History will mark this day as a great milestone."

Brainy Smurf, however, criticized some of the Greek translation as misunderstanding Smurf verb tenses.

Purpose Driven Smurf, smiling to reporters at a press conference, responded, "This translation stresses formal equivalence too strongly. I will continue to use The Message paraphrase, although I respect the viewpoints of other Smurfs who will make use of Wycliffe's efforts."

KJV Onlyist Smurf could not be reached for comment.

posted by John @ 8:52 AM


Here's something about those postmodern Smurfs at work:
A Smurf-tastic Satire by William Hrdina

SUMMARY: Postmodern Smurfs running amok. NOW AVAILABLE: “Where the Fnords Linger- A Short Story Collection” By William Hrdina- collects 27 of my most popular stories. To order go to Amazon or www.williamhrdina.com.

A Smurf-tastic Satire
By William Hrdina


Somewhere, deep, deep in an enchanted forest, there was a village. The village was hidden away in a secret grove inhabited by tiny blue creatures, two and a half apples tall. They wore white hats crammed over the top of their little blue heads. They were all male, except one, and they were known most commonly as The Smurfs.
The village was made up of about twenty huts carved out of bright white and red polka-dotted psychedelic mushrooms. One Smurf lived in each hut. Usually all the Smurfs went to bed early. But on this night, no one was at home (Except for agoraphobic Smurf- he never left his hut), all of the Smurfs were gathered around a bonfire they'd built up in the middle of a clearing.
Lying in a comparatively massive heap, enormous compared to the tiny Smurfs, was the unconscious and thoroughly bound figure of Gargamel, the Smurfs sworn enemy. The capture of Gargamel was the fruition of a two month, overly elaborate plan that boiled down to bribing Azreal, Gargamel's long suffering cat, to switch sides for a lifetime's supply of primo Northern Lights Catnip and the opportunity to piss on Gargamel's head in retribution for far too many hits and kicks delivered out of nothing but his master's inability to outsmart a single Smurf- despite several years effort.
"We're going to need more fire." Neocon Smurf demanded of Fundamentalist Christian Smurf. "God demands we burn Gargamel good and crispy."
Fundamentalist Christian Smurf nodded in vehement agreement, "It says so in the Smurf Bible." He stood up straight, put his arms behind his back, and recited, "And lo anyone who smurfs with you, you need to smurf them up good and proper, really smurf their ass and don't take no smurf from them!"
"Praise Smurf Jesus!" Neocon Smurf agreed and rolled his eyes. Neocon Smurf only used religion to manipulate the tiny brain of Fundamentalist Christian Smurf. You could get him to do damn near everything so long as you told him it was what Jesus Smurf wanted him to do.
It wasn't like Jesus Smurf was around to contradict what Neocon Smurf said, he spent all of his time wandering around the woods alone- only returning long enough to hit up Stoner Smurf for a bag of smurf and to grab another hunk off of his psychedelic mushroom hut.
Emo Smurf wandered by, wearing all black and muttering poetry to himself. He saw what was happening with Gargamel and said, "Not that I care, but what are you going to do with him?"
"Burn him! Burn him!" declared Pyromaniac Smurf, his eyes twinkling in the firelight.
Corporate Smurf wandered up to the growing crowd gathering around Gargamel. "What's this I hear about burning? That's perfectly good human meat. We should make Migrant Worker Smurf cut up his body and package it and then I can sell it and keep all the money! That would be a sound business solution."
"I hate sound business solutions." Proclaimed Grouchy Smurf, kicking the ground.
Hypochondriac Smurf tried to get the attention of anyone willing to listen.

(Read more: Here).


Oh and for your info the Smurfs are an evil communist plot---just kidding but here you go for laughs: The Smurfs: Communist Allegory with an Undercurrent of Misogyny and Anti-semitism.

2 comments:

Aron Ranen said...

Please take a moment to check out my new LSD Documentary film.
POWER AND CONTROL :LSD IN THE 60's

Features the CIA LSD Brothel in San Francisco (MK ULTRA), Groucho Marx's LSD Trip....Doc Ellis pitches his no-hitter while high.

Tim Leary's Miricle of Good friday Experiment is explored with one of the original PREACHERS who took part.

LSD and the Protest Movement, JFK & LSD plus more.

All posted for free at this youtube link..please share this knowledge.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZdz0G4lG6k&feature=channel_page

TheoPoet said...

Weird stuff....thanks for sharing.